Desmond Hume

Another day. Another hang over.

Desmond is Scottish. He drinks... A LOT. He also runs away from anything resembling commitment. Relationships scare him. Desmond has never held down a job either. Most of the time he is drunk, other times he is convinced that he is a time-traveler. He lives on a sailboat. This makes him the ideal husband and dad.

Before the Island

As a monk

Like many men, after a night of heavy drinking Desmond decided to become a monkey. However, he misspelt his Google search of "how to become a monkey" and ended up joining a monastery. As part of monk training, he had to shut up and consistently call everyone "Brother" (while remaining silent). Eventually, his drunken stupor wore off and he realised what was going on. He then proceeded to get drunk again, but that was too much for Brother Campbell who demonkefied him. Desmond couldn't care less, as he had just met his hawtness, Penny.

Adventures through time

Desmond and Penny fell in love, and life continued as normal until OH DAMN HE'S BACK IN TIME OMGWTF. He tried to convince Charles Widmore and Charlie Pace of his amazing powers, and some other bloke named Donovan, but they all laughed him off and told him to go back to the pub, except Widmore, who said he was too poor to afford a drink. This disappointed Desmond, but then he got hit in the head with a cricket bat and everything was okay. Ms. Hawking also fits in this paragraph somewhere, but I'm not sure where due to the confusing time travel stuff.

Adventures through time...with guns!

Life continued as normal for a while, Desmond joined the military and broke up with Penny. All was going well until WTF BACK IN TIME AGAIN OH WAIT NO HE'S NOT OH WHAT HE'S BACK IN TIME AGAIN. He then broke out of his military camp guns blazing searching for his companion in time, Daniel Faraday. Daniel's ridiculous time-travelling outfit, similar to that of Robocop's, made Faraday laugh him off. That was until Desmond said he knew about Daniel's secret TIME TRAVELLING :O rat. He then snuck into Penny's house and was arrested for stalking, causing him to be dishonourably discharged from the army, AND TIME, NOWAI.

Race around the world and relationship with Kelvin

Then, as many time travellers do after being discharged from the army, Desmond met Jack in a stadium, stole Libby's boat and went racing around the world searching for the heart of Penny. Unfortunately, he ended up on the Island and locked in an underground dungeon with Kelvin. Kelvin made several uncomfortable advances towards Desmond, including long drawn out discussions about "turning keys" and "plugging dams". This got a bit much and Desmond, being the homophobe he is, broke Kelvin's neck.

Desmond went back to the hatch, now free of all attachments and resbonsibilities. He lived like this for another 3 years, until his internet subscription ended. No more porn. No more World of Warcraft. No more funny youtube videos. So Desmond decided to get off the computer and go outside. This was a bad idea, because the Swan Timer ran down to zero. See, Desmond - always stationed at the computer - thought entering the buttons was no different than closing our an error window when his World of Warcraft wouldn't open the right way or when a virus had been detected after downloading the "Scottish Girls Gone Wild 4: Loch Ness Pornstar" torrent. This issued in the apocalypse (the timer running down to zero, not the porn).

Living among the Oceanic 815 survivors

Desmond ran away and left the responsibility of the pending electromagnetic apocalypse on Jack and Locke, who would later discover the hatch. Desmond spent time on his sailboat and got drunk. In a later conversation with Locke, Desmond claimed he couldn't leave the Island because he was in a snowglobe. This, to Locke, made sense. Probably would've for most people. So, Desmond and Locke decided to let the button run down to see what would happen.

So they did.

And guess what?

Bad things happened. So Desmond ran away... into TIME AND SPACE! (See: Adventures through Time).

Trivia

Desmond's favorite word in the english language is 'Brother'.