Part 1Edit

Bang! An eye. A forest. A man. A dog walks past. A rising sun symbol. The man stands up, struggling to get to his feet. This man's name is Jacky. Regaining his/her senses, he/she feels something in his/her pocket. A mini Iranian alarm clock. Boom! He starts to hear screams from the edge of the jungle. His senses as a doctor kick in. People are in trouble, and they need his help. He runs through the jungle arriving at a horrifying sight. A wrecked plane. People running and screaming everywhere. He wastes no time running out to help as many people as possible. Suddenly, a nearby man yells to him "Hey, Stop!" Unable to hear him he turns around to ask, and is promptly sucked into the engine behind him, exploding.

Fortunately another man named Jack, also a doctor, has just been through the same thing and is already saving people.

That night, the survivors gather around a fire and sing camp songs so maybe the rescue team can hear them. Jack meets Kate and tells her his idea of sewing the plane back together. Kate has a better idea. She was lucky enough to get to visit the captain's quarters during the flight and noticed that the captain was using a walkie-talkie to speak with J.J. Abrams about his new T.V. show idea. If they can find it, they can ask J.J. not to go ahead with the series, thus saving them all. Their planning is disrupted by a loud roar from the jungle, which is followed by a few coughs and a sexually suggestive groan.

Jack and Kate venture out next morning, followed by a random junkie, who constantly asks them if he can borrow money for crack, despite the fact that they keep telling him no and that he should get a real job. Meanwhile, we catch up with the other survivors. A bald man explains to some children the difference between black people and white people using stones whilst a brother and sister make out.

The survivor squad arrive at the captain's quarters discovering that it was filled with pirates, none of which survived. While Charlie takes a leak, Jack and Kate bring the head pirate back to life, only to discover that his walkie-talkie isn't working, J.J. must not have his turned on.

Suddenly, the pirate bursts into flames, meaning the monster is back. The survivors and the monster run through the jungle, going off one side of the screen and appearing off the other, Scooby-Doo style. Finding the pirate's ashes among some trees, the survivor's turn to the monster (off screen) and say "You're a real dickhead, you know that?".

Part 2Edit

Jack finds an America-loving Arab (Nah, he's a terrorist) named Sayid singing the national anthem, and gives him the walkie-talkie, surely he can fix it, as the instructions are in Arabic. Jack then goes to tend to a survivor wearing an orange jacket and a red shirt with a piece of metal through his head. Meanwhile, Walt gives his dad a pair of hand-cuffs, his dad simply replies "Later". A Korean woman Yells "피자는 양파에 좋지 않다"!

Sayid fixes the walkie-talkie and leads a posse into the jungle to try and find some friends with it. Along the way, a random redneck snaps and shoots a bunch of the native polar bears. Kate steals his gun, as she is concerned about the endangered jungle polar bears.

Upon reaching the summit, they turn the walkie-talkie on, finding that Sayid accidentally forgot to set it back to English after using Arabic, which none of them speak. Fortunately Shannon does, but not very well as she spent her time in the middle east as a P.O.W., not studying. She eventually is able to translate the message to: "Hello, Hello? Test, is this on? I killed my whole team, I mean it, not me, I'm innocent. But if I did do it, it was because they hid my goddamn car keys... again, those bastards." Suddenly Claire shows up, no longer pregnant and wearing a bikini, and asks the question that still puzzles fans today. "Where the bloody hell are we?"

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